


Fall to Pieces

by Lostwithyou



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, shukita if you reeally squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 20:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15348081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostwithyou/pseuds/Lostwithyou
Summary: Yusuke realizes that Madarame was not as wonderful of a father as he thought and can't quite come to terms with it on his own, but luckily his friends are there to support him on the way.





	Fall to Pieces

When Yusuke first moved to the Kosei dorms, far from where he grew up with Madarame, he admit it was a bit saddening. Despite everything that he did he still saw Madarame as a father and was thankful for everything Madarame had done for him.  
It took a few days for those feelings to fade and be replaced by the reality of who Madarame was.  
He was sitting in a small cafe with Ryuji. Ryuji had offered to take Yusuke out to eat after them and the rest of the phantom thieves spent the afternoon in mementos. The rest of the team were all busy with one thing or another, so it was just the two of them. Yusuke jokingly brought up a few times where when he was failing a class, Madarame would refuse to give him food, telling him to buy food for himself with the little pocket money he had until his grades were up. He was confused when Ryuji gave him a particularly strange look,  
“Dude, what the fuck? Did he really do that?”  
Yusuke cocked his head to the side slightly, “Yes. It happened several times as I was growing up. Is it that strange?”  
“Yusuke that’s kind of… Really fucked up.” Ryuji said bluntly, leaning back with crossed arms, “I don’t even think that’s legal if I’m gonna be honest.” Yusuke appeared shocked,  
“You mean to say it wasn’t a normal occurrence with others? I’ve never had friends outside of the phantom thieves so I’ve never spoken about it to anyone. I assumed it was something everyone did.” Ryuji’s expression turned from shock to worry,  
“It’s not really anyone else does at all. Honestly, hearing that makes me kind of worry what other kind of stuff he did that you didn’t know is fucked up…”  
Yusuke was worried too. He only recently had confronted the fact that Madarame was a bad person in general, he didn’t think he was ready to confront his conflicted feelings over his childhood. He changed the subject to something else.

The second time he was confronted with the truth of his childhood, he was in Leblanc. It was before Shujin exams and the phantom thieves had gathered to study there. Kosei exams had already ended so he only really went for moral support.  
It was getting late so everyone was starting to filter out before the last of the trains left the station.  
“Hey Yusuke, can I talk to you for a second?” Akira asked from the behind the counter before Yusuke left.  
Yusuke suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of dread. HIs mind immediately wandered to the past. Scenes flashed in his mind, Madarame harshly criticizing his work, snapping the canvas in half. Madarame holding his report card in one hand, a permanent marker in the other with the sheet covered in black circles highlighting all the marks he didn’t think were good enough.  
“Everything alright?” Akira asked, bringing him back to the present.  
“I’m very sorry, Akira.” Yusuke said quickly.  
“What are you apologizing for, Yusuke? I’m not upset with you.” Akira replied, his face growing increasingly worried. Yusuke suddenly felt very embarrassed at making such a bold assumption.  
“Ah, I apologize for thinking you’re upset with me. I assumed so because that was usually the case when Madarame started off conversations with that.” Akira’s smile visibly creased at the mention of Madarame,  
“Yusuke, you don’t have to apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong. If anything, I should be apologizing. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Akira paused, but resumed talking quickly to avoid getting in a back and forth conversation with Yusuke purely made up of apologizing to each other, “Why I wanted to talk to you though is because we’re worried about you, Yusuke. You usually show up to meetings without having eaten yet, and I know you spend a lot of your food money on transit, so we got you this.” Akira handed Yusuke a small card,  
“Is this… A prepaid card for the Kosei cafeteria!?” Yusuke was shocked. It was certainly not where he expected this conversation to go. He opened his mouth to continue, but Akira cut him off,  
“You don’t have to apologize for worrying us Yusuke.” He said softly, walking around to the other side of the counter to stand directly in front of Yusuke, “Sure we’re the phantom thieves, but we’re also you’re friends. We care about you and your well being. We pooled our money together for it but we could only afford to get the one month pass, but it’s something.”  
Yusuke only stared at Akira with a near unreadable look on his face. It was only when his shoulders shook slightly and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, Akira realized he was trying not to cry.  
“Is everything alright?” Akira asked, taking a step closer. A small tear escaped and rolled down Yusuke’s cheek. He smiled,  
“I am perfectly alright. Better than alright I’d say. I simply didn’t expect such a thoughtful gift. I truly have the best friends one could ask for.” Akira responded with a large grin and stepped aside,  
“I’m happy when you’re happy Yusuke! You should probably get going though, the last train is probably going to leave soon.”  
Yusuke put the card into his bag and packed up his sketchbook, agreeing with Akira. While he stood on the platform waiting for the train to arrive, he was left alone with this thoughts. He was surprised with himself. Akira had a very calming presence to him. If they were in a particularly tough fight with shadows and Yusuke started to worry about the outcome, all it took was a smile from Akira to assure him they would come out on top. He couldn’t understand why in that moment, he found himself absolutely terrified of Akira. Or more accurately, he understood why he was afraid but didn’t want to admit it to himself. After Akira asked to talk with him, it certainly wasn’t Akira who scared him. It was the thoughts he connected that phrase to. It was Madarame. 

The final straw was only a few days after. He found him sitting around Leblanc, watching his teammates scramble to do some last minute studying before their math exam the next day. Yusuke sat idly sketching them in his sketchbook. He figured if he didn’t need to study with them he might as well get some good practice in.  
Ann took a ruler out of har bag to start drawing a graph of some sort, but Yusuke hardly took notice of it at first. It was when she angrily tossed it onto the table a few minutes later that Yusuke took notice of it.  
The sound of a ruler slamming onto the table made him freeze. He felt his heart rate speed up. He felt nauseous suddenly. His head was filled with thoughts of Madarame. Madarame slamming a ruler onto a table when he was mad, the sound echoing through the house. A silent threat made against him. It didn’t matter if it was never carried out. It didn’t stop Yusuke from connecting the sound to those moments of terror. Madarame’s voice, dripping with a fake sweetness covering up true anger, tapping a ruler on the table and occasionally slamming it down if he thought Yusuke was getting too relaxed.  
He dropped his pencil. The sound of it falling to the floor was oddly loud in the quiet cafe. Ryuji, Akira and Ann looked up at the sound. Yusuke put his hand over his mouth. He felt like he was going to throw up. Ann stood up and walked to where he was sitting on one of the barstools across from the booth the others were sitting in. she picked up the pencil and tried to hand it to him, but it only fell out of her hand and rolled down his sketchbook, falling into his lap.  
“Yusuke, are you ok?” She asked. Yusuke blinked, breathing in sharply.  
“Of course.” He said quietly, picking up his pencil.  
“Are you sure?” Ann pushed, “You seem really panicked. We’re worried about you.”  
“The sound of the ruler just startled me.” He said, hoping to avoid the rest of the conversation. Ann, Akira and Ryuji looked at each other. It was obvious they didn’t believe him but they could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. A few minutes later, Yusuke couldn’t get himself to calm down. He packed up his things in a hurry and told everyone he’d decided to turn in early that night. It was obvious to his friends that he wasn’t exactly ok so Akira offered to walk him at least to the train station.  
“I’m fine. There’s no need for that. Besides, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your studying.” Yusuke said.  
“I already finished my studying, I was just helping Ann and Ryuji today.” Akira insisted.  
The walk to the station was spent in silence. It wasn’t until they were waiting on the empty train platform that Akira finally broke the silence,  
“You know we’re friends, right Yusuke?” He asked, “we don’t just hang out with you because you’re part of the phantom thieves you know, we like spending time with you and we care about you Yusuke.”  
“Of course I know that, Akira. You and the others are very treasured friends to me.” Yusuke replied. Akira looked nervous for a moment,  
“Ok, I just wanted to make sure. You don’t have to tell us anything, but we worry about you Yusuke. If you ever need to talk to anyone just send a message in the chat or give any of us a call, ok?” Yusuke only nodded silently in response. He spent a minute staring at the wall, deep in thought.  
“It was the ruler. The sound of it hitting the table.” Yusuke finally said. He said it so quietly he worried that Akira didn’t hear it. He continued anyways, “It reminded me of… Of Madarame.” Akira suddenly looked very worried.  
“Did he….” He trailed off but Yusuke understood what Akira was getting at. He shook his head,  
“No. He never went as far as that but… It didn’t stop him from slamming rulers on whatever surface was closest to him when I angered him one way or another.”  
“I’m sorry Yusuke, that sounds terrible.” Akira replied. He added quickly, “I know Madarame is still a father figure to you but -” Yusuke cut Akira off,  
“It’s alright. I think…. I think I’m finally coming to terms that Madarame was not as good as I remember.”  
Akira sat down on one of the benches and prompted Yusuke to do the same. Yusuke sat, leaning forward with arms places on his knees and his chin in his hand,  
“He was much kinder when I was a child. He was hardly upset with me, and when he was he would tell me what I did wrong he would be kind about it. His voice wouldn’t be laced with a fake sweetness like it was when I got older. I can hardly remember when he changed. It wasn’t like it was all at once, it was quite subtle really. If I really think about it, I suppose it began when I started to paint more seriously and I was putting out better pieces. It makes sense that he would become more strict when I finally became profitable to him.” He paused briefly to collect himself, “It’s saddening to me really, realizing how horrible to me he really was. Fond memories of him from when I was a child have been replaced with thoughts of all the cruel things he did: starving me until I proved I was enough in his eyes, finding reasons to ban me from talking to other kids whenever I tried to make friends…” He trailed off but continued after a moment, “When I was very young, before other kids started avoiding me in my later school years, I did try to make friends. Whenever I did, Madarame would find out somehow and he would convince me not to talk to them anymore. I thought he knew best, that he was actually worried for me and who I spent my time with. Now I realize that he simply didn’t want me to get close to anyone in case I said something about the way he treated me.” He stopped, almost abruptly, and sat up straight, “I’m sorry, Akira. You offered to just walk me to the station and here I am pouring my heart out to you.” Akira smiled at Yusuke,  
“Yusuke, it’s alright. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough around me to tell me this.” He looked forward, staring at the wall at the other side of the platform, “If we’re going to have a heart to heart like this well… I know how you’re feeling. My parents aren’t exactly the best, but growing up it was hard to admit that to myself. They’re still my parents after all and it was hard to come to terms that they were being bad to me.” He looked back to Yusuke, “It’s only been a few weeks, no one is expecting you to turn around and declare that any love you had for him gone. He still raised you, He’s still your dad in a way after all.” Yusuke gave a small smile,  
“Thank you Akira, it means a lot.I suppose I’m too caught up in the past to focus on the present.”  
“Well, if you ever need to talk to anyone about it, remember you aren’t alone. Ann, Ryuji and I, we’re here for you, just let us know when you need us.”  
Before Yusuke could reply, the train screeched to a stop in front of them. Yusuke stood up,  
“Thank you for this talk Akira, it helped a lot. I’ve calmed down a lot. I never realized how much talking about it could help.”  
“Anytime Yusuke, just give me a call!”  
With that, Yusuke stepped onto the train. When the doors closed, his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a direct message from Ann.  
[Hey Yusuke! Just wanted to make sure that you’re alright, you seemed pretty freaked out. Sorry if me throwing my ruler startled you, I know it was pretty loud... I know Akira is walking you to the station but text me when you get home safe, I’m just worried about you, sorry again if i scared you :( ]  
Yusuke smiled at his phone. He didn’t know what having friends was like up until now, but what he did know is that he had the best friends. He typed up a quick response telling Ann that he was alright, He explained briefly that the sound of the ruler hitting table reminded him of Madarame scaring him with the same sound, but he didn’t go as in depth as with Akira. He felt a little drained after everything that happened and he really didn’t have the energy to type it all out again for Ann. besides, he was sure something like this would come up again, a longer explanation could wait until then. 

When he finally got home, he immediately flopped into his bed. It was still too early to sleep, but he felt exhausted. He hadn’t been getting much sleep lately so he figured he could use the extra few hours anyway. He sent a quick text to Ann letting her know he got home and lay face down on his bed, face buried in his pillow. He rolled over, staring at the ceiling. Akira was right, He didn’t have to face everything that Madarame had done to him right away. He’d read somewhere once that healing of any kind took time. He figured it was time for him to take those words to heart. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in a while he felt like things were going to be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> although of course the game hardly even implied Madarame did much more then plagiarize artwork i wish it commented a little more on how Yusuke would've felt about the whole situation, I mean even if he doesn't call him his dad Madarame is essentially a parent to Yusuke. I just feel like there would have been a lot more fallout to realizing the only person that was the closest thing to a parent you ever had was just using you...


End file.
